How it started...

Read how my breast cancer journey began.

I just turned 40.  My brother sent me a birthday book called TOUGH Women Who Survived Cancer, “37 women share their honest, inspiring, uplifting, rock-n-rollin’, gut-wrenching, heart-pounding, chemo-brain-fueled tales about cancer and the aftermath.” This book is the work of Marquina Iliev-Piselli and the 37 women she interviewed. This book is right on time for me. Thank you big brother for sending me this book.

The book TOUGH  is so inspiring in so many ways. The stories have inspired me to write. I have been thinking about writing down my breast cancer journey and sharing it with others. I think it’s important to document my journey through writings and photos for myself and others. I get to write my own story and no one else. I decide what I want to share and who I will share it with. I enjoy reading other people’s stories in books, blogs, magazines, etc. It was only a matter of time when my story would be shared with others. There are less than a dozen people who know about my cancer diagnosis right now. I decided to tell only a few people. (insert Tab voice) I can if I want to because it’s my business. Reading the book TOUGH taught me how cancer survivor stories can be powerful and inspiring. I’m ready to share my story. I hope you are sitting in a comfortable seat with tissues and a drink to sip on. I hope you are drinking water, but if not that’s your business.

Let’s go back to the beginning of October 2022. I was due for my yearly well woman exam. I called Dr B to make an appointment and the soonest time slot wasn’t until October 27. Ugh!!! I thought I could get in much sooner. While waiting a couple of weeks for my doctor’s appointment, I was reminded how breast cancer affects soooooo many women every year. Towns and cities in the U.S. are painted pink this time of year because it’s Breast Cancer Awareness month. This time of year I am reminded about the importance of monthly self breast exams for all women and yearly mammograms for women 40 and older. I was showering one night and noticed a lump in my right breast. I knew I would be talking about this discovery with Dr B at the appointment.

October 27 finally came. The day was quite busy. There were parent teacher conferences all day and evening at work. (I’m a reading intervention teacher and I work with students in grades K-4.) I would only be available until 2pm at work. I used some PTO so that I could go to my well woman exam with Dr B that afternoon. The exam was a typical well woman exam but it included “Erin, I want you to have a mammogram and ultrasound. Also, you need a physical and blood work.” This was a lot to hear at once. I was overwhelmed. I was able to book the physical and labs for the morning of October 31 because there was an availability. Also, I had this day off from work because it was during our Fall Break. I had an appointment with Dr B in the morning of October 31 and I was reminded to schedule my mammogram and ultrasound. By evening, I was preparing for the trick-or-treaters in our neighborhood.

I scheduled the mammogram and ultrasound for November 11. Results from that testing prompted more testing. Ugh!!! I would need a breast biopsy. Dr B recommended I see a breast surgeon named Dr K. I contacted Dr K’s office for an appointment so that I could be established as a patient. I would meet with Dr K on November 16. The breast biopsy was November 22. Biopsy samples were taken from my right breast and a nearby lymph node. Thanksgiving was November 24. My mom, dad, and brother would be visiting us for Thanksgiving. I tried to enjoy Thanksgiving as much as possible but the biopsy results were pending. I knew I would not get results until Black Friday or Cyber Monday because of the Thanksgiving holiday.

My emotions and feelings were all over the place. All of this was happening around big U.S. holidays Halloween and Thanksgiving. Christmas was around the corner. Normal stress during these holidays combined with so many doctor appointments equaled loss of appetite and loss of sleep. Doctors thought the lump might have been fibroadenoma and not a cyst. I knew I would know more soon.

It was Monday, November 28 and I was at work. I was sitting alone in my classroom when I received a phone call at 9:15am from a nurse at Dr K’s office. Results were back from the biopsy and unfortunately cancer was found in the breast biopsy sample. No cancer was found in the nearby lymph node. The nurse told me that my cancer was very treatable and I would need to meet with Dr K that week to discuss more about my diagnosis. I didn’t cry. I was in a state of shock and disbelief. Was this really happening? I continued on with work that day and left the school building promptly at 3:30. I went straight home. I told my husband the news and we cried together. I repeated the following words several times: "It’s treatable. We will get through this."

Advice from TOUGH: Find your thing. Do the thing that lights you up and brings you joy even in the worst times. Crochet lights me up and brings me joy! Crochet allows me to be creative and make beautiful projects like animals, dolls, shawls, and more. Some crochet projects can be calming, relaxing, and even meditative! I am using crochet to heal. It is saving me from sinking into myself and retreating from life.

 December is my favorite time of the year. It’s loaded with joy, family, friends, shopping, and delicious food. It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Christmas decor and lights are everywhere, but December 2022 was different.

I had countless doctor appointments during the month of December. I felt like a pin cushion. I was stressed and scared while being surrounded by Christmas decor everywhere. There were appointments with my breast surgeon, medical oncologist, and genetic counselor. I would get chemo first then breast surgery. I had just told the news of my diagnosis to my parents. That was an extremely hard phone call to make. I remember preparing myself for that phone call. I wrote down exactly what I wanted to say to them. I knew I would be doing some ugly crying on the phone and I needed some words I could refer to. The conversation with my parents went fine. My parents are amazing people and always support me. I love my mom and dad so much. They praised me for my courage to share the news with them. My parents had flights booked to visit us for Christmas. It’s been a tradition for the past few years that they visit us in Missouri. Their visit for Christmas would be right on time.

The doctor appointments continued. There were outpatient procedures like an echocardiogram, MRI, and port placement. There were lots of needles and I hate needles. I’m so grateful to my husband, my love. He drove me to my appointments and supported me in so many ways. I love him so much. Thank you love.

It was extremely hard to tell my kids about my cancer diagnosis during this time. My oldest had just celebrated a birthday at the beginning of the month and Christmas Break was near. I wanted to tell my boys and I also wanted to hold it inside my heart for a little bit longer. My husband and I decided to tell the kids right before Christmas Break started. We all gathered on our living room sofa. I explained to my boys that cancer was found in a lump in my breast. “It’s treatable and I have great doctors taking care of me.” I gave my boys great, BIG hugs. We shed some tears and I kept them home from school the next day. The following day would be an inclement weather day for their school district and that was an added bonus. Then, my parents and brother would be arriving to spend Christmas with us. They would be bringing some much needed joy and support for all of us.

The month of December would end with my first chemotherapy treatment. (There will be more details about that in another post.) Through all of this, I used crochet to de-stress. The repetitive motions are calming and meditative. Current crochet project is a mandala. I used a pattern from the book Crochet to Calm.